Can Toddlers and Young Kids Do Screens? What's the Big Deal?
- colleenturner22
- Jun 11, 2025
- 5 min read
Yes, of course they can. The real question is, do you want the long term ramifications of starting a habit this young?
Screens are a ubiquitous part of our lives these days. I’m realistic in that our kids will have to learn how to navigate screen usage. But, more importantly, I’m more aware of the potential harms including how early screen usage (especially when the child is in need of emotional connection or co-regulation) can change the way a young brain wires. Some studies have shown less kindergarten readiness in terms of pre-literacy skills and other academic related concerns. As a therapist, I'm of course more concerned about kids' abilities to manage their feelings appropriately so they can feel calm and regulated most of the time. And still feel loved and connected even in those moments of dsyregulation.
For example: when we give kids screens at restaurants or places where we want them to be quiet or not disruptive we are doing ourselves and possibly the people around us a favor in the short term. But our kids aren't learning the skills to be in those spaces. So being in those spaces never gets more manageable because they don't have the practice... then never acquire the skills... to handle it. And then we find ourselves in a loop of reinforcing the lacking skills with quicker access to screens. There are of course other confounding variables like the high rewards that are inherent in interacting with screens and the shame that parents face these days for having a child who is acting like a....gasp...child. What I've seen in my practice for years now, pre-and post- pandemic, is that older kids who had access to a parent's phone or tablet at young ages when in a situation that might be "boring" is that their frustration tolerance is significantly lacking compare to their peers. I've also seen elementary age kids who have very under developed skills in managing their negative emotions like anger, sadness, rejection, jealousy, who were not supported in their negative feelings as young children, but given a screen to "calm down" instead. So when the foundation of their brains were being laid, they learned to "manage" their difficult feelings with a show or a game... not with the internal skills they will need to develop to be successful in school, public, or within a healthy family.
So, with that, here are four things to consider when thinking about the relationship you want your toddler or young child to have with screens.
Watch your own screen usage. We use our phones for everything! And I use mine way too much! I don't think I'm alone. The best thing we can do for our children, not just toddlers and young children, is model limited phone usage which also allow for intentional and hopefully connected time with those around us. In terms of non-phone screens, think about how much time you spend focused on the TV or computer in front of your kids and if that is what you want them model themselves after.
Delay, delay delay. Screens are so fun and so great! Introducing them to a toddler or preschooler who has very little impulse control or emotional regulation will of course make it hard for that child to turn it off. If you model limited screen usage like not watching enthralling programing in front of them, they won't know what they are missing. Some families use screens for getting the "daily grind" tasks done like cooking dinner. I get it! But if you haven't introduced it yet, see how long you can wait. Eventually they will get to an age where their unstructured and imaginative play will get you through making a reasonable meal... but they need to have that uninterrupted time to get there first.
The type of interaction maters! Screens that require interaction like games or even anything that requires swiping on a tablet are considered "active" consumption and produce more dopamine, and therefore desire for more interaction/dopamine than traditional TV watching (considered passive). In a pinch, or if you're ready to introduce some type of screens, passive consumption is less captivating. Also important is the content. Of course you don't want your kids watching anything inappropriate, but you also don't want your kid watching just anything. It should be something with some sort of moral storyline that is not a "short" which you'd think would be good for a short attention spanned toddler but it should be long enough so that we are not reinforcing and encouraging short attention spans and instead stretching their focus. 20-30 seems appropriate for a toddler or preschooler but if you notice your young child doesn't have the attention span for a show that long, that's okay! And maybe a sign they aren't ready yet.
You can always change your mind. You're the adult, the one who has life experience and you make the rules! You can introduce screens.... and then decide to reduce them if it doesn't work for your family. You can change the type of screens you allow in your home, how long your kids have access to screens, and what sort of content they are allowed to access. If you've already introduced screens but want to pull back, I notice the biggest issue here is setting and maintaining boundaries. Know that if you pull back access to screens it is developmentally appropriate for them to whine and complain and maybe even have complete and out of control tantrums. Don't give in at that point, it's only going to positively reinforce the behavior, meaning they will get the message that all they have to do is tantrum loud enough or long enough and you'll eventually give them what they want.
No one ever said parenting would be easy! But you also don't have to navigate this alone! Interested in setting up a screen specific parent consultation? Get in touch!
Screens and technology resources:
Instagram- Jonathan Haidt (author of The Anxious Generation)
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